she smelled like a LAN party
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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