I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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