it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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