If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
