So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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