How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
