And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
