I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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