areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
