So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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