Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
