i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
