I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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