i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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