If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
