There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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