if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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