Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
