Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
