how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
