brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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