It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize