I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
