This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize