But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
