Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
