This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
