she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
