I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
