Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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