this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
