margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
