i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
