I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
