i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
