My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
not ubering you a puppy
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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