you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
