i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
