Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
In America we eat man semen.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize