I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
