Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
