I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I bet he comes in French.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
