I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize