Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
