How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
