tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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