Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
