I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
