It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sobbing to NWA
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