I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
