Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
