Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
