She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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