I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
