You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
