I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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