Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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