meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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