ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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