why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
