And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize