What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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