Is it because I queefed?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
