Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
