I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
