Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
