was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
