What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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