Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
