Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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