her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
