Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize