dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
