apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
