i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
