I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize