he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
