dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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