No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
