She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
