how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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