No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
