apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
