And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
