I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
