Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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