Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Come on in and take your pants off
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